TEACHING OUR CHILDREN WELL
We were happy when Lukie got accepted at the Day Care Center. Asilo Nido is what they call it here. Now my wife can work part time and can help me with the bills. With this delighting news it also brought out the worry, fear and distress of sending a two year old out there. For my wife, this was torture.
Igorot dayta anak ta (our son is an Igorot) so don’t worry, I told her. He is Samurai I also told myself too. It started for two hours a day for three days, Lovelyn stayed with Lukie in the Asilo. After that was one week for two hours still, she left him alone but stayed near the day care. Lukie cried every time her Mom left but as soon as the caregiver placed him in the playroom he discontinued from crying. Then came the hardest part, now she had to start work and leave our son there full time. Lovelyn cried. And then, everything went well soon after.
Lukie loved his daycare but then he started bringing home battle scars! A bite mark there, some fingernail scratches on his skin here or his eyes swollen from crying. Of course we complained about this, but we always get the same answer from the caregivers: that at this age it is normal. OK it’s true but I didn’t like it one bit! Whenever he came home with a battle scar, I would talk to him and ask him what really happened. But at his age and he was a bit late in his speech development, I couldn’t understand and really get an idea of what went down there at the Asilo. Who teaches their children to hit, push and kick other kids? I did. Yes, I taught my son how to make a fist, to punch, to kick and push or shove. Whenever they hit you Lukie hit them back hard OK! All this is for upholding our ‘honor’ (Samurai stuff) and defending ones self. But every lesson I gave him was like a joke to him. When I showed him how to punch by slowly hitting him on the face or the chest, he smiles and then laughs uncontrollably. My martial arts lesson was tickling him, oh man! I gave up. But his lessons continued.
After two years at the Daycare he graduated and went on to Asilo Materna ( a daycare for 3 to 6 years old) where he is now. He still came home with battle scars and I just prayed to HIM to protect my son. We live in a village called Villagio Sereno. The houses here were built for tourist or holiday makers who come to stay for the summer. Other homes are owned by Italians as their second home or as summer house. The owner of the house we are in now decided to rent it annually. One of our neighbor, Marco, a year younger than Lukie but his genes made him a year taller than my son, is a little bit of a devil. My son plays with him and both won’t last the day without fighting. My wife and I witnessed Marco push Lukie in the pool many times, splashed water on his face till he cries, he threw a rock at Lukie, punched, kicked and many more. And sometimes in the presence of his parents. There was a time my son ran in the house obviously escaping away from his playmate, where Marco hurled a big pine cone straight into the door of our house. He also tried it several times in our window. With this, Lovelyn went to their house and told them what happened. The grandpa of Marco explained to him it’s wrong and what he did was bad. Then he told his grandson to say sorry to us which the little boy did wearing a puppy face and spoke eloquently. Just like that. Probably it’s the reason to why this Marco is the way he is. Disciplined by words without punishment.
Since their first fight, I advised my son to hit him back. Do it like this and like that. I showed him how, but without me doing it on him like before, instead, I playfully used my wife as the punching bag. Just like Lukie back then Lovelyn laughed and hit me back with real punches and kicks. It dawned on me my son will never learn. Why? God knows why. We suggested to him to keep away and not play with his ‘friend’ no more. Still he kept on playing with Marco with foreseeable outcome. Lukie has no one to play with his age and I guess he’ll keep Marco as a friend because there’s no one else. It’s better to have a friend than none at all.
Why doesn’t my son fight back? Why doesn’t he defend himself? What is wrong with him? I missed the answer by a mile. I was wrong. I’ve been teaching him, but I should be the one learning from him. Turning a gentle dove into a predacious hawk is what I was trying to achieve. The very important lesson my son was trying to impart was that ‘good’ always wins. Lukie was stubborn, he didn’t let me change what he truly was. I guess he is more Samurai than me.
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