MY FIRST BORN AND HIS FEAR OF BOATS

He came into this world on a cold foggy afternoon. I was there, in the delivery room, holding my wife’s hand as she huffed and puffed and pushed out onto the hands of the  Obstetrician our first boy after five years of trying. We named him Denzel Luke. Denzel because when the doctor placed him on his mama’s breast for bonding, his complexion was dark and had an afro style hairdo just like the actor Mr. Washington. Luke because we want him to have a Bible name.

Every father I knew who proudly expressed their ‘first times’ were all the same. “ I can’t exactly say what the feeling is”, “The joy is overwhelming,” “Can’t belive I’m a father” or “It’s really a miracle!” “It’s like winning the lottery” and so on . . . they say. Mine was different. I was shocked! This baby is not mine I told myself. At that time my wife was already crying tears of joy. With the baby’s dark skin and curly hair I began to recollect the two years my wife and I spent in Malta. Who!? Was the question bothering me. As far as I know we never or she haven’t got any acquaintances with someone having African roots! Then my wife spoke and said, “Ay apuuu karuprupa ni Pa!” ( Oh my, he looks just like Pa!) I squinted and zoomed in on the baby’s face and finally I told myself,  “Ay Dacawi met gayam” (Oh he is a Dacawi). I had to thank my wife for uttering those words. 

That was January 21, 2002. Five years later, on December 5, my wife was back where she was, but now alone, in the delivery room of San Giovanni e Paolo or Ospedale Civile in Venice. I had to leave her and go home to stay with Lukie (Denzel’s nickname). Heartbroken and worried I watched my son sleep. And at around four o’clock in the morning the nurse phoned and said Lovelyn is now in full labor. Still worried sick and now helpless. But now at least she won’t be alone . . . . . soon Dylan James will be there for her. Dylan because Lovelyn wants to keep the D and if you guessed right, the musician and James is in the Bible. 

I sent Lukie to school so I could greet my second bundle of joy. On the next day took Lukie to do the same. We actually live in the main land called Cavallino (small horse). A vegetable farm and fishing community that is frequented by Germans and the rest of northern Europe on summers for its golden beaches and camping. More or less than twenty minutes bus ride (Pullman) and forty five minutes boat ride (batello or motonave) from our home to Venice. 

I was reviving an old hobby, I always take with me my considerably new digital camera everywhere I go. My son and I were seated inside the motonave on our way to see baby D, when I notice it was nice to shoot outside the boat. The weather was cold and gray but the sun gave a nice color on the afternoon when it peeked out. As I gave my cell phone to Lukie to play with, I told him I will just be out there to ‘shoot’. He didn’t mind, he had the phone, so I went out and fired away. To get to Venice the boat has to stop at Lido, one of the two strips of island that acts like a barrier to protect Venice from the Adriatic sea, the other one is Pellestrina. I didn’t give attention that we were about to dock when I recognized one tourist with a concerned look on his face. Holy %&#*! Lukie! A lady was trying to console my son who was sobbing immensely, I said thank you and she went back to her seat leaving her evil eyes on me. “What a father this one!” she might have thought. Lukie cried because he thought I got off at Lido without him. Saying sorry, hugging and rubbing my hands on his back made things worse. With his loud sobs, they were like a big piece of shard glass stabbing my heart, he angrily said, “Don’t shoot, don’t shoot Papa, don’t shoot!” OK and sorry was all I said and he never stopped he was just about to go full force! “You are not going to get away just like that, you bad father you!” He was inconsolable and bitterly furious, I was bleeding profusely inside and the lady summoned the boats people to attack me with their eyes. Without looking, my samurai senses told me that there were about seven to eight pair of eyes striking down at me not counting the children. I had to act fast. I wanted to counter attack, I was still holding my cam, I had the craving to shoot at them with the flash to blind them. But I remembered Lukie told me not to ‘shoot’. My son just saved those boat people from going blind. To stop Lukie from wailing and to end my heart from bleeding, I got angry and talked like a ventriloquist next to my sons ear. I threatened him, if you are not going to stop right now I will smack you in the face. Just then he pulled out his weary arms and hugged me and in between his little sobs he whispered, “don’t shoot Papa, don’t shoot”. I held him tight. Tight as I could. The blood turned tears in my heart as it beat out the words forgive me my Lukie. 

Finally it was all over. Just for some little sobs, Lukie was OK, for now. We were both wounded badly from this experience. A little boy of reaching five, a grown man of thirty two. I will omit the part when I told my wife what happened. The harsh words I said to him just came out, I never meant them but I said them. Do you remember when you were young, you were with your parents, somewhere, and in just a blink of an eye they’re gone? I remember mine, and it terrified me to death. I know the feeling and now my son knows it too. When he was learning how to walk he had no fear. I get tired of walking him around the boat. An old Italian man even said that he is very independent and confident at his age. There were even times when we left him on his own wandering on the motonave, then he comes back soaked with sweat from running around. His fear of the motonave was my fault. Until now he gets scared and frightened on the boat. Not one member of our family could go out the boat. When one goes everybody goes. That’s how Lukie wants it, he wants us intact together inside this boat, a family and that’s how it’s supposed to be. The only good thing that came out from this episode of our lives is that . . . . . someday, I know he will become a good father.

~ by musashiboogie on July 29, 2007.